Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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