For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
