I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
