i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
