yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
