oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
