Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
