Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
