I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
