It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
