i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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