shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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