im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
