I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
