This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
