hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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