just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
