This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
