at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
