The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
