just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
