i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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