I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
