my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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