i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
