Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
