Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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