It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
