What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
