he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize