pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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