Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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