I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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