sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
