Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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