I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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