Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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