i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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