you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
