update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
