You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
