I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
