Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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