she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
