Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
