i just wanna soil my oats bro
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
