actually, I'm a sock model
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
