You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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