I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
