I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
