if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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