im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
