Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
