Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
