i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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