How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
