3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
