He is an equal opportunity slut.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
