also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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