My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
