i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize