Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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