She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
