Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
