I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
