that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
