Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
