i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
